I’ve had a series of small setbacks, mostly emotional.
One problem with vestibular conditions is that they vary so much, minute by minute and day by day. I’ve been working with Erik on the hurdles. The good news is this: I discovered I was doing the 12-inch hurdles. The bad news is I can’t seem to repeat them. I’m back down to the 6-inch hurdles, when I can get over them at all. I did yesterday, after I made sure to move the hurdles to a smooth spot on the gym floor.
I also discovered that I am a Medical Mystery. According to my oto-neurologist, (a super-duper ENT doctor) there is no medical reason I should have more vertigo attacks. I have had several vertigo attacks (not BPPV, the vanilla kind of vertigo) since my original attack in 2009. When I have nystagmus attacks, I look strange to other people, because my eyes do the involuntary twitching back and forth. If it’s a bad attack, it’s hard for me to see. Normally, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I just look a little strange.
And, my oto-neuro told me we have very few medical choices for to manage my vertigo. We will try a little more medication after I return from Europe. He has low hopes. I have moderate hopes. My oscillopsia is barely under control on the max dose of medication.
I understand now why people choose apricot “cures” for their cancers. This business of living a diminished life stinks. Staying resilient takes effort and emotional energy. I wonder where I will get it. With not much good on the medical side to look forward to, it’s difficult to stay positive. Thank goodness I have my work.
I don’t try to compartmentalize. When I was young and immature, I used to think I could compartmentalize my life. Ha! Now I know I can’t. I can use the energy I gain from work, and the lessons from work to help me in my personal life and the other way too.
I haven’t forgotten that I owe you, my loyal readers, the other lessons from the resilience book. I pushed them down on my todo list. I have a how-to-get-find-a-job book in early review. I have a series of blog posts planned on how to be agile when you are a geographically distributed team. I just started a new service about peer project portfolio coaching, and I am taking my own advice about not doing more than I can safely do :-) So, you’ll just have to wait a little while longer. For me, part of the lessons are staying busy doing the things I love with the people I love–or at least, like.
And, part of it is perseverance. I am off to the gym again to work with my trainer, friend, coach, and mentor, Erik. It’s not a hurdle day. Today we work on other things that include me getting down on the floor and getting up again. That’s hard enough.
And, by the time I return, I will be Happy Johanna. Other people get runner’s high. I get strength-training-high. Jack Lalanne, here I come!
If you can, try perseverance. I’m sufficiently competitive–with others, with myself–that it works for me. It might not work for you, but for me it works like a champ. Asking myself, can I make just a little progress today, is a good question for me. Maybe it will be a good question for you, too.
So, think about it. Can you make a little progress today on something? That’s one of the ways I get work done, and how I work on my emotional setbacks. It’s not compartmentalizing; it’s helping me see I’m not living a diminished life. It shows me I have value to myself and others. Ok, I’m off to the gym.
- What Are You Practicing?
- Building My Emotional Reslience, Part 1